Break
up blues: Kandy's story
Kandy was born
on the Mainland in the mid 80s. Then her parents left her behind,
bringing her younger brother with them to Hong Kong. They came in
search of work and Kandy had to stay with an aunt and uncle in China.
Her parents went back to visit her just once a year. Naturally she
secretly feared she'd been abandoned and thought that eventually
they'd just forget all about her.
In fact, her
worst fears weren't realized and when she was about 14 she came
to finish her schooling in Hong Kong. Everything seemed to go well
despite her rocky start in life. She caught up fast and her school
work was good. She made friends easily and started going out with
Jacky. But after a while things went downhill, Jacky broke up with
her and she had no idea why. Fears of rejection and abandonment,
forgotten since she left the Mainland, re-emerged. She was deeply
hurt but didn't want to admit it. That tenuous sense of belonging,
so precious to her, vanished. Kandy lost all her erstwhile self
confidence, felt that she couldn't communicate with her schoolmates
or her parents and became more and more unhappy.
This went on
for a year or more but still neither her parents nor her teachers
noticed even though she was preparing for the public examinations.
There were no obvious warning signs. She still handed in her homework
on time and her marks were fine. Kandy is a fiercely independent
girl, maybe because of that period in her childhood when she had
to fend for herself, so it was especially difficult for her to talk
about her problems and to admit to the failed relationship with
Jacky. She thought it was all her fault.
One day something
snapped and she realized she needed help. Luckily for her there
was a Federation counsellor at her school to whom she could go directly
thus avoiding any real or imagined stigma. After all, for some people
the hardest thing of all is admitting that they need help.
Cecilia talked
her through her problems, helped her see her strengths, look to
the future instead of dwelling on the past, and have the confidence
to go back to her old friends. Kandy is a brave girl and she plucked
up courage. Her old friends welcomed her with open arms, giving
her all the support she needed. The tide had turned.
Kandy was not
actually diagnosed as a depressive by a psychiatrist and she was
able to keep remarkable control of her emotions outwardly. But in
the end she'd had to admit that she couldn't manage on her own after
all. Cecilia, one of the Federation's professional counsellors,
had been there for her at that crucial period when Kandy could have
gone either way. Instead of seeking solace in drugs or alcohol,
she sought out a sympathetic adult who not only cared but knew how
to pull her through by showing her how to reconstruct her perspective
on life and have faith in her own potential.
Many of us have
been through a depressive episode like Kandy's but how many of us
found a kindly but professional ear to listen to our woes and dispel
that sense of worthlessness that lies at the very heart of depression?
One in five teens suffers from clinical depression, a figure that
corresponds with the average number of adult sufferers. Only prompt
and timely treatment can help. The more the Federation can provide
the better.
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